Monday, December 28, 2015

A Look Back Part 4... Version 4!

Written 11/9/15

I had another healthy appointment this morning. I am 9 weeks along. Last time my doctor wasn't there for my appointment, so it was a breath of fresh air to see her- we are like a well oiled machine... which you'd expect by my fourth baby! She knocked and walked in and said, "I've missed you! Congrats!" She's so wonderful.

We talked about my sickness and how the medicine is helping some. We also talked about how this due date falls right in the middle of swim team season (silly, but this is Jay's deal and it makes me sad/anxious thinking I will miss it and then imagining getting four kids to swim practice every single day-ACK!!!!). Her kids swim against mine and so I always see her around at meets. So fun.

Then we pulled up the monitor and sweet little Baby S4 was just precious on that screen. You could see its tiny little arms and legs- definitely in the gummy bear stage. That heart was just beating away. Again, I'm so shocked at ever questioning life at this point (or any point if you want my full opinion) in a pregnancy. That baby moved and stretched and heart was just beating away. It was a tiny, beautiful little life. I had a tear roll down my cheek and Dr. M said, "It never gets old, does it?" And it just really doesn't. Our last appointment was so different- checking first to see if I was really pregnant and a different doctor doing the appointment... but this was just so right. I love my doctor so much.

It took a village to get me to this appointment- mom came over early so I could go and then took the big kids to school. Kiki came and got Molly and then took her to school- poor kids have no idea yet, so they weren't sure why I had to go to the doctor, but they will find out soon! And I can't wait to tell them!

So thankful for a great appointment! Now if I could ever just feel caught up on sleep! Ha!

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

A Look Back, Part 3... Version 4!

Write 10/27/15

We had our first appointment yesterday!

It was rescheduled and rescheduled and rescheduled again (Doc out at a funeral). I saw a different doctor at a different time of day, but regardless, we had the appointment!

Anthony met me there, my mom kept the kids, and it was actually a pretty quick appointment!

We talked with the doc, and then got down to business. I think with each kid these first appointments scare me more and more. Right when she was about to turn the ultrasound screen on, I almost shouted, "Wait! I'm not ready!" It was the weirdest feeling. I was so scared that bad news would show up, and I just wasn't mentally ready (not that anyone ever is). New doc and new protocol, she looked all around and measured and took her time looking at everything- but all I wanted to see was that teeny heart beating. She FINALLY showed it to me (I'm sure it wasn't as long as it felt!), and it was the biggest relief in the world. Oh my gosh, I love seeing that precious little heart beat. It makes it all so real.

(On a sidenote, it's amazing to me that we are actually having a debate in our country right now on when "Life" begins... that heart beat!!! 7 weeks gestation!!!!!!)

I had a little tear stream down, and then my next hurdle was holding my breath to see if there was one or two babies. My numbers have been SO high, I've been so sick... I was absolutely terrified that I was pregnant with twins! Luckily for us, just one! I honestly don't have a clue how mothers of multiples do it. I swear they have a special place in heaven. Anyway, just one baby.

One. Healthy. Baby.
Thank you, God!

The rest of the appointment was spent chatting about tests, symptoms, getting bloodwork done... Just a perfectly normal appointment!

And THIS made it REAL! So, here we go BS4!

Monday, December 14, 2015

3.5 Months with #4!

Before church yesterday I asked Anthony to take a picture of my belly (14 weeks!!!). It is seriously so big and semi-embarrassing. Really only embarrassing when I don't tell people that it's my fourth kid. If I just tell them the number of weeks I always get an interesting (or an I-feel-sorry-for-you) look.

Anyway, it really is getting big, but for whatever reason this picture does NOT do it justice! I don't know what kind of awesome photography skills Anthony (or my iPhone) possess, but remind me to get him to take pictures of me postpartum when I want things to look smaller than they actually are!

14 Weeks with Baby #4

13 Weeks with Molly
(Where were we going?! I never get dressed up! Ha!)

13 Weeks with Charley Kate

13 Weeks with Jay

So here we are at this point- and I'm thankful we are here! I am feeling so much better and have tons more energy. It's crazy to think I still have SOOOO long to go- but if history repeats itself, it will be here before we know it (and besides having four kids to take care of all summer, I will have one heading off to kindergarten and one heading to pre-k... I can't even go there).

Thursday, December 10, 2015

A Look Back, Part 2... Version 4!

Written 10/13/15

I am definitely pregnant. 5 weeks in and I'm feeling it.

I went back and looked at my old blog posts when I was pregnant with the other kids, and nothing I read made any mention of feeling this sick and nauseous this early. Ugh. No throwing up, but I feel confident that if I sat in front of the toilet I could very easily. 

I am having headaches (I remember those with the other kids- again, not as early). I am feeling suuuuper cold- and that was definitely a symptom with all of them. And tired. I'm already so so tired. 

Y'all, I definitely remember these things with the others (well not the awful nausea), but none of them were present this early. I guess it's a "rite of passage" with your fourth. Everything is just earlier. Way way earlier. 

Oh, and listen to this! The other night (still before we have told the kids), Jay was saying the prayer before dinner. The end of his prayer went like this-
".... and thank you for our little baby boy. In Jesus' name, amen."
"Jay, that was a wonderful prayer. But why do you think we are having a baby? Do you know when we are having a baby?"
"No, but I just know we are going to. Soon."
"Well, how do you think we can make sure it's a boy?"
"Mom! We just pray. Ask God every day."

Amazing that he doesn't know but actually knows. And amazing his advice. That boy is wiser than me. 

So that's it for now! Little fourth baby- you are definitely making your presence known. I feel ya! 

Monday, December 7, 2015

A Look Back, Part 1... Version 4!

Written 10/4/15!

Today I found out I was pregnant with Baby Squill #4!!!!! NUMBER FOUR!

The excitement, the nerves, the energy, the fear, the tears... it's the exact same feelings with number four as it was with each of the others.

Anthony and I knew from the beginning we wanted four kids. We've known it was going to happen (Lord willing of course), and we were hoping for our timing. We wanted to wait until after our Christmas ski vacation. This would benefit us in so many ways. But in true God form, it's just not about us.

Because of our plan, we had, ahem, precautions in place. Not top of the line by any means, but a plan where we had succeeded for the past several months.

So once the kids got back into school, Anthony and I planned a day lunch date. It was hard to get our schedules to match, so we planned it for several weeks in the future. October 5th to be exact. Little did we know...

I haven't been able to get back on the pill due to various health issues. Because of that, my schedule is all kinds of off. So after my little friend didn't come four weeks to the day (very surprising), I decided to swallow it and take a pregnancy test. I dropped all the kids at school and stopped by Walgreens to buy it. The sweet older woman who checked me out looked at me and said, "Do you want to be?" And I honestly chuckled. What a funny question that we have to ask people these days. With all of the Planned Parenthood chaos surrounding us and the Choose Life movement going on, it's no wonder people ask that question. And in the moment it was so amusing to me. Was it our perfect timing? No. But did I want to be? Absolutely! Every. Single. Life. Matters. And this little precious life would be no different.

Anyway, I didn't really feel anything yet (let's be honest, I'd only be four weeks along and usually at four weeks you don't "feel" pregnant). So I didn't really think I was, but once I get it in my head that I might be, I need to take the test to make sure.

So when the clerk asked me if I wanted to be pregnant, I looked at her and said something like, "You know what? Of course I do. This would be our fourth, so we would love it- ready or not!?" And she smiled and said good luck.  :)

I got the test and took it home. By the time I got home and took it, there was 23 minutes until I was supposed to meet Anthony for our lunch date. I couldn't even wait the three minutes- so I looked after only two... TWO LINES! I cried, I laughed, I was shocked! We thought we had been SOOOO careful! Oy! Were we really ready to do this?!

I grabbed the test and shoved it in my purse and headed off to meet Anthony. I didn't want to tell him at lunch. Since this was going to be our last baby, I wanted to do something really creative. (Spoiler alert- that failed).

So we get to lunch and in typical Anthony mid-day fashion he was pretty wound up. He was in work mode and not "sit and lunch" mode. It took him about twenty solid minutes to relax and just enjoy sitting at lunch. It didn't hurt my feelings, I know that's how he is and I know it's not me personally. It's just how he operates.

Anyway, he told me several times how pretty I looked. And at some point during the lunch while we were waiting for our food, he said, "Hey, didn't you say you were kind of feeling crampy this past weekend? Do you think you're going to start soon? Do you think you're pregnant?" It was seriously out of left field. I had NO intention of telling him there. But it was too perfect not to tell him...
-At lunch just the two of us on an absolutely GORGEOUS day
-A lunch that we planned weeks before without knowing what would come of it
-A direct question asked...
I HAD to tell him.

So I just smiled and said, "I am." And then tears started falling slowly down my face. Not many, just a few, genuine, happy tears. The kind of tears you only have when you get to tell the guy you love that you are pregnant with his last baby. His eyes got HUGE.

"What?! Seriously?!?!"
"Well, look at your tears! Of course you are! Ohmygosh. Oh. My. Gosh. OH. MY. GOSH!"

Obviously we were both caught off guard! He said some hilarious things... "FOUR?!" and "Aaron (our brother in law!) is going to give me the hardest time!" and "I'm getting snipped RIGHT after this baby comes!"

We laughed and freaked out together. We prayed. Could we really do this?? Were we capable of raising four kids?

Obviously, we have no clue what it will be like or if we are really capable of it or of any certainties. But what we do know is that we were chosen to be this baby's parents. We were chosen to give this baby the best life we know how. We were chosen.

And we are in this 150% ready or not! And I can assure you, we are getting ready! Here's to number four!!

Friday, December 4, 2015

18 Month Check Up and Being THAT Mom

We had Molly's 18 month check up the other day. Besides being totally freaked out as soon as we walked into the room, it went very well. She was SO shy around them and terrified of the nurse (the one who gives her shots). Dr. Lindsay is so great and does the entire exam while she's seated on my lap, so that is very comforting to her.

Anyway, she's right on par with her past measurements. A teeny bit bigger than Charley Kate but still definitely smaller than Jay (thank goodness!).

Molly at 18 Months:
Height: 33.25 in (88%)
Weight: 23 lbs, 3 oz (57%)
FOC: 18.25 in (52%)

In comparison...

Charley Kate at 18 Months:
Height: 32.75 in (79%)
Weight: 21 lbs, 4 oz (30%)
FOC: 18.25 in (52%)

Jay at 18 Months:
Height: 35 in (>99%!!)
Weight: 27 lbs, 7 oz (87%)
FOC: 56%

Seriously, Jay was a beast (and still is!)!

So the appointment was great, except for the shots. She got one and then her flu shot (don't judge that I'm late to the game). Anyway, I promised my kids that they could get the flu mist this year (not realizing that it was in short supply!). So when I was checking out I asked if they had any in the office and they said a couple doses left and that if I wanted them I'd have to come back in that afternoon to make sure I could get them! Ack!

So very begrudgingly I brought all three kids back in at 3:00 that afternoon (yes, in the middle of Molly's nap time on the day she got two shots!). I would have never chosen that, but I wanted my kids to get it while they could!

I picked them up straight from school and headed to the doc. I didn't even have time to go home and get snacks, so we stopped in the tiny Walgreens in the hospital and loaded up. Annnnnd we loaded up with Sour Cream and Onion chips and Cheeto Puffs. And those giant bottles of Minute Maid apple juice. Oh yeah.

So we go into the waiting room and my kids each have a bag of chips (not the snack size of course, the GIANT ones) and those big juices. Then Molly is SO tired that she starts bullying a younger patient in the office (not really, but any time the little girl would come near her she would yell "NO! MINE! NO MA'AM!" So so embarrassing.

Anyway, the mom of this girl was clearly a new, young mom who would never ever ever let her child speak to another child that way, or miss a nap, or eat giant bags of chips and drink giant bottles of juice. Did I mention I had also recently showered and so my hair was a mess and I had no make up on? Yup. I know 100% that mom was judging me. And if I'm being honest, I probably would have judged me too. It was that bad, guys.

But I didn't have the energy to explain to this young mom who I really was, so I just let it go and let her judge. And I prayed I'd never see her again!

All in all, it was a tiring day and no fun for Molly to be at the doctor twice in one day. But we made it. Orange fingers and all.