Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Tough Stuff

Y'all, this parenting gig is tough stuff.

I don't know if it's molars coming in (why not just blame the teeth?!) or a strong willed child or a second child/girl thing or something else, but Charley is knocking me on my butt these days!

When we are out and about and with people, she is awesome. Little Miss Social loves to be around people! But when we are home and just doing our thing, it's hard. She gets bored semi-easiliy (as do most toddlers) and needs constant scene changes. No biggie, but when you have another kid and housework to do, that makes it a little tough. She also LOVES to bug her big brother. She knows just what gets him (scratching him and hitting him is her number one form of offense), and she loves to mess with his animals, take his toys/food/drink/clothes and run off with them taunting him.

If I am not holding her, she is crying/screaming. If I am holding Jay/taking him to the bathroom/playing with him, she is screaming/crying. If I am holding her but not doing exactly what she wants to do, she is  screaming/crying.

I am serious- this little lady has thrown me for a loop! For the first time in my life with kids, I feel like I'm a total loss with what to do!


I don't feel like Jay was this tough as a toddler (I know, he's still a toddler, and honestly, I still feel like he's a jillion times easier than CK). He's a pleaser, he's a rule follower, he's sensitive and caring- he never initiates a hit/fight, etc... If we tell him no he usually cries- not because he's mad we are stopping him from doing something wrong, but because he has let us down and his feelings are hurt. This kid is easy.

CK, on the other hand... If we tell her no she busts into full out tantrum mode. She get M-A-D! This chick can throw one.

I know that there were tough times with Jay. Of course, he's so easy right now that I just don't really remember them, but I know he had his moments. On one hand, he was a TOUGH infant. Until about 8 months of age- he was tough. Crying, high needs, rocking/holding/sucking/nursing, screaming... oh, and don't forget that he refused a bottle. Charley was a dream baby. Go with the flow, slept when she could, happy and content, ate anything anywhere anytime... I actually said when she was about four months old, "If I could have 'em all like her, I'd have a dozen more!" Boy, that's funny now!

So I guess what I've learned is that every kid has their deal. Just because you think "that mom" has it together with her kids- there is something that is tough about each and everyone of them. I can promise you that (even if they don't admit it!!).

I'm still trying to figure out Charley Kate and what makes this precious girl tick. I also need to step back and think what I am doing as a parent that is making it worse (not giving her enough warning/time before changing activities, spending more engaging time with her when she starts getting restless (put the laundry up- it can wait!!), stepping back and actually teaching her (like I had the time to do with Jay) instead of just letting her pick things up...). There is SO much I can be doing better. I just know it.

Today I worked really hard at the above things- really really focused on Charley and her needs and the things I did when it was just Jay and me. This was much easier because Jay was at school and then had a friend over- so I could really put a lot of energy into Charley. And you know what? It was her/our best day in THREE WEEKS!

So, note to self, Mom... get your act together and make some changes. These last three weeks sure haven't been working for you.


the blogivers said...

It is tough... I will have a string of days where I feel like Davis is being a handful because I am not paying him enough attention, so then I will be really intentional about it for a day or 2, but then I go back to wanting to get stuff done at the same time as watching him... just hard to find a balance! Hang in there :)

The Scott Family said...

You are so great for being real about this stuff. I do think there are moms out there who do not admit that they have tough times. Our kids are alike. Max pleaser/rule follower, Cora more independent/mind of her own. We have had tantrums from her too and like you I have had to make changes. I have been using timeouts more frequently and working on her communication. Transitions are tough for her too but that is hard to help with a young toddler. You are doing great! Our girls are blessed to be tough and resilient...a great life skill but makes for an interesting toddler:).

The Callegaris said...

Hi, are you in my head? I could have written this myself. I know that I am having a hard time with Ellie because I am so used to my verbal, mostly self-sufficient child. Not to mention I (we) have been in a constant state of toddler for coming up on 3 years. You are not alone, mama!

Ashlie said...

Presley and Charley sound a lot alike (especially the enjoyment of being out in public). That's exactly how P was at that age. She was a super tough/high needs baby and at age 3, continues to be a challenge. We call her our little spitfire. She is sassy, spunky, and can hold her own. I love all these things about her, but they can also drive me MAD on a daily basis.

The Torno's said...

Wow, it sounds like our kids are very similar at this stage of their lives! Hailey threw a huge tantrum this morning because she wanted to buckle her doll in the carseat herself, but then wouldn't actually do it when I gave her the chance. Fun :)

Anonymous said...

My situation is very similar! I have a 3 year old boy and 23 month old girl. (15 months apart!) personality traits are sooooo the same! We call our daughter fiesty, she knows what she wants and she gives these stink eye looks like no other! LOVES to do everything brother is, take his cars (his obsession), take his drink, wants to wear his clothes/sumglasses/shoes, OMG! If I am not paying her attention (which happens often with chores and having a sibling) she is fnding ways to get it! I get worn out just thinking about it!

Casey Charles said...

16-20 months were the hardest for Cooper. Great post, I guess every kid has their "stage"!

Ashley said...

I SO feel your pain. Tully is on the verge of being kicked out of school for hitting/scratching/agression. This week I started doing his bedtime routine instead of John, and I take him to the park one-on-one to feed the ducks when he is nice to his friends at school. Now he's like a whole new kid. It wasn't him...it was me. Now I'm going to go cry and try to get over my guilt trip.

Jules said...

Ummmm.... we are in the same situation!! Claire Bear is teething and just acting like a mad woman all day. And then theres Bennett. He isn't sharing any toys and flips out if C even looks in the direction of where he's playing! HELP!!! SOS!!!! :)